The Top 5 Wii Games That Will Never Be Invented

The recent popularity of Nintendo’s Wii Fit, in which players utilize the Wii Balance Board in order to do yoga and lose weight, has got us thinking of a few cool games that Nintendo should (but probably won’t) come out with:

1) Wii Fat Similar to Wii Fit, “Wii Fat” would use a larger Wii Balance Board, designed to hold heavier players.  Instead of Yoga and Aerobics, Wii Fat would require the player to do simpler tasks, such as repeatedly standing up and sitting back down on the couch, touching the nose while standing on one foot, and simultaneously rubbing one’s belly while patting one’s head.

2) Wii Gardening Players would use the Wii Shovel, Wii Rake, and Wii Gardening Hoe to dig holes, plant virtual flowers, and mow lawns all over town.  Lose points for accidentally scraping the neighbor’s car with your shovel. Gain bonus points for having sex with lonely housewives while on the job!

3) Wii Helicopter Players would wave the giant Wii Rotor round and round in a circle in order to overcome the laws of gravity and experience flying in a helicopter.  The constant twirling of arms leaves little room for other heli-movements, however, and the repetitive motion could make players extremely tired very quickly.

4) Wii Competitive Eating Take on Kobiyashi, Joey Chestnut, and all your competitive-eating favorites in this Wii version of the famous Coney Island competition.  Players would use the Wii Mouthpiece to chew as fast as they can while using their arms to shovel virtual hot dogs into their mouths.  Downloadable content includes the Asian Expansion pack, which use Wii Chopsticks to eat fried rice, noodles, and egg rolls.

and finally,

5) Wii Stoner Using the patented Wii Bong (which can be filled with real water), players pack a virtual bowl, light it, and inhale as hard as they can.  A device measures how hard you “pull”, and how stoned your Mii becomes.  The higher you get, the harder it becomes to focus on the game.  Will you be able to out-smoke Snoop Dogg in the final round?

What do you think, any other Wii games that should be made?

Posted by stefan on 08/03 at 08:29 PM
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